A Joke Email

You may have seen this joke email going around - basically making fun of inner-city youth and socially biased standardized testing. Well - I answered the "test" :)


Schools in Detroit, Chicago and New Jersey are finally starting to teach practical math that these kids can relate to real-world situations!


NAME____________________

GANG/CREW NAME______________

CRIB_________________


1. Lajames has an AK-47 with a 200-round clip. He usually misses 6 of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive- by shootin. How many mofos can Lajames ice on a drive- by before he gotta reload?
A: Not enough information. If we make the assumption that each drive-by has one target, and the 4 landed shots would indeed ice said Mofo – then we can determine that the clip can ice 15.38462 mofo’s or 15 completely clipped.

2. Leroy has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what be the street value of the rest of his shit?
A: Leroy got quite bit out of Antonio selling him 3.5 grams (an 8-ball) for $320. At the $85 per gram rate the 8-ball should have cost $297.50. Leroy has depleted 5.5 grams of his 2 ounces = 56.7 grams. This leaves 51.2 grams remaining with a street value of $4,352.00 if we assume the $85 per gram rate.

3. Dwayne pimps 3 ho's. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Dwayne's $800 per day Crack habit?
A: 9.411 tricks must be turned per day. Each Ho must therefore turn 3 tricks with his #1 or Queen Bee Ho turning 4 tricks.

4. Raul wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounce bags will he need to make to gets the 20% upside?
A: We need to refer to the above stated street value of $85 per gram. We’re dealing with a grand total of 453.6 grams of sugar. The street value of the goods would therefore only be $38,556. It doesn’t matter how that mother f*&ker cuts his sh*t – he got robbed by his dealer daddy. He gonna have to make up $1,444 before he can event dig into the 20%.

5. Ray-Ray gets $2000 for a stolen BMW, $1500 for stealing a Corvette, and $1000 for a 4 x 4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4's, how many more Corvettes must he steal to make the 10k for his brother's bail?
A: Ray-ray has a current stolen value of $8000. He needs to steal two more Corvettes to post bail. The good news is he’ll have an extra $1000 to throw a party once he’s out.

6. Pedro got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 of his hit money per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?
A: 72 months x $100 = $7200; he’ll have $2800 . . . these are getting easier.

7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with three 8 oz. Cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over?
A: 20% of the total paint or 20% of each can? Let’s assume 20% of the total paint. 80% of 66 square feet of available paint = 52.8 Sq Ft. This will create 17.6 letters or 17 whole letters.

8. Tyrone knocked up 4 girls in the gang. There be 20 girls in his gang. What be the percentage of bitches Tyrone knocked up?
A: 20% that one bored me.

9. Lafawnda is a lookout for the gang. Lafawnda also has a Boa Constrictor that eats 5 rats per week and a cost of $5 per rat. If Lafawnda makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can she feed her snake with one week's income?
A: $25 per week, on $700 is 28 weeks. Just long enough to go into treatment and get right.

10. Marvin steals Juan's skateboard. As Marvin skates away at 15mph, Juan loads his 357 Magnum piece. If it takes Juan 20 seconds to load his piece, how far away will Marvin be when he gets whacked?
A: If Marvin is moving at 15 mph he’s moving at 22 feet per second. That means he’s 440 feet away before Juan fires his piece. Just to give you an idea – that’s almost 150 yards (146.667) away 1.5 football fields. If he Juan cools Marvin – that’s one helluva shot! I say it’s a trick question – Marvin done did stole Juan’s skateboard out cold.