(continued) 2002 Journal 3/13-14/02

3/13/02
Yesterday I worked a full day without my co-sales manager. It went well, and I continued to learn about this company. I left about 5:40 PM and drove over to Jeff's to pick him up for dinner. We went to Champps again and I had the same thing I always have. A few beers, Golden Tee golf, and some flirting with the waitresses. I called Suzie for a booty call, no answer. I called Crystal - she can already tell when I'm lying. She's jaded - not a good thing. I'm going to have to start being honest with her sooner than I'd like to. I just don't feel comfortable telling her about other girls right now. Hopefully, the other girls will go away so I can focus on her.

Of course I also called my ex-wife last night. God did that suck. Either she truly has no feelings left for me, or she hides it very well. She is cold. Cold beyond expectation. She condescends me like no one else can. She makes me feel like a liar, an alcoholic, and a player (which I guess I've become) generally a bad person. How can she hate me like that? I have a thought to send her flowers - the card reads "A thin line between love and hate." I love when I write in cliche's. It's almost as bad as song lyrics. But, she's tossing me aside - I guess the whole official divorce thing might have given me a clue on that. I simply have to learn to hate her in order to move on. That's the only way I can let it go.

So that was yesterday - today I visited our retail stores. I also scouted some real estate for new potential locations. I did some grocery shopping and then over to Crystals for Beef Enchiladas. She's a good cook. She is definitely a jaded, old fashioned woman. She fits my stereotypical female ideals. Not the unique friend Deb was. She intoxicates me always - who will ever match up? BUT, Crystal and I had a nice night. Then I called Jane to set-up our date for tomorrow night. Called Suzie (no answer). Called Crystal to say good-night. And here I am.

Rachel is the only one I've met that could truly make me forget Deb. Rachel is unavailable, although she assures me I'm a great runner-up. Why can't Crystal snap into focus in my soul like that? She's a good one; the healthy one. I'm SO self-destructive.

3/14/02
Last day today; as the snow fell hard and the NCAA Basketball tournament started. I took it easy. Jane cancelled our date due to the snow. She's also sick, which happens often with her condition. I called Jeff but he was washing clothes. After all the other options were disposed of, Crystal came over and watched basketball with me. We're getting really good at kissing but as I mentioned she's physically off limits from the surgery. She's get well soon enough - but why no blow job?